I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
