She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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