I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
