help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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