I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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