Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We need to get me chipped asap
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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