I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
