Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
