I'm going to rape someone's good day.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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