you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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