is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
