So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
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