she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
