my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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