If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
