Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Quick, to the slutcave!
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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