The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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