The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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