you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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