My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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