You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
50% drunk capacity currently
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
