I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
