how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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