His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
