I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
