there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
