Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
