my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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