4 words: hood of his car
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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