And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
