At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
