Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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