She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
