Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
