Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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