I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
