Even the bartender felt bad for me
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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