Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Randomize
