My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The adults are the big ones right?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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