I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
