The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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