Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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