sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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