WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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