You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
