I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
this boner is exhausting
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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