He kissed a someone with a penis
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
