i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
