Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
