I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
